Just decide already! 5 reasons keeping your options open is a bad idea

We all do it. We think it makes us so practical, right? Why wouldn’t we want to keep all of our options open, or have a safety net plan B? I have been guilty of doing this for the last decade or so and I have felt pretty good about it. Then I realized why it was the worst thing I could have done.

It is estimated that we make about 35,000 decisions in a day. That sounds unbelievable. When you think about that number, you realize that so many of them are made without a second thought. We decide to brush our teeth before we make our bed and it just happens that way. Somehow, that doesn’t paralyze us. We just do it. That simple decision has empowered us, given us control at that moment, and without even realizing it, we are happier simply because of that. 

You may believe that keeping your options open is truly the right thing to do. It is a very common idea. Here’s why you need to stop.

Being able to back out keeps the decision un-made

When you don’t give yourself an iron-clad decision, but give yourself a way out, you really didn’t actually make a decision. You did the opposite. You kicked the can down the road and bought yourself some time. Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, in his book Stumbling on Happiness, contends that you become less satisfied and happy when you give yourself an out.

So while we think we are doing ourselves some good by setting up that safety net, we are actually weakening our position and delaying what we will have to do at some point anyway. Knowing that it still lives on our ‘to-do list” actually gives us anxiety on top of it. 

Too many options make it even worse-start narrowing it down fast

Another tempting thought is to look into several possibilities that could work and then analyze them all. Well, that can be a good thing as you begin a process, but we can only effectively handle about 4 different options effectively. Anything over that puts that analysis paralysis in motion.

Think about a menu at a restaurant. When you look at the 50 items, your brain wants to start filtering through and narrowing it down. Pretty soon, you find yourself down to the final 2 options. So when your friend asks you what you’re having, you usually have an “either this or that” response. Then, once your waiter comes to the table, you have to pick one, and guess what? You do! Why? Because both options are good, and picking one of them means you really can’t lose. 

Living into your decision leads to freedom

Picking the best of two good things really shouldn’t be difficult, and yet it is for so many people. You just have to keep reminding yourself that either outcome will be livable and not the end of the world. By moving forward with a decision, and “burning the boat” as they say, you are forced to start working on how you will live into that decision.

You can start making your lists, decide what other things need to be handled as you move forward, and start actually making changes. Keeping both options open just leads you into a state of perpetual dissatisfaction because you are not living into either one, but rather just floating between both. That feels tethered, not free.

When in doubt, the only way to know is to pick one

Have you ever been asked if you feel like pizza or Chinese for dinner? You have probably also said that it “literally doesn’t matter” because you honestly don’t think it does. But guess when you will know?

Only when someone says that they pick pizza. Then all of the sudden, your brain responds directly to the thought of pizza and you realize that you don’t want it. This can be frustrating to others, but it is in fact how it works. You always know what you prefer, but until you commit to one, you can’t accurately evaluate the choice in your mind. 

Indecision is limbo, and limbo ain't fun

Why not give yourself the best option to live a happy life? Being in limbo is an awful state of being. The only reason you are there is because you haven’t accepted that a decision made is just information. It usually isn’t permanent in the sense that you couldn’t make another one if it didn’t work out, we just fear that it is.

We may be putting too much emphasis on what someone else may think of the decision, or how it might look. That is usually due to the fact that we haven’t clearly defined our own values. If we are clear on the non-negotiables in our lives, then every decision can be evaluated against those and it becomes effortless to make. Asking yourself if something aligns with what you want out of your life simplifies the process and takes out all of the noise that seeps in from everyone and everything else. Get clear and start deciding.

As a person that has suffered from being stuck in a pattern of keeping my options open, I can attest that nothing has felt more liberating than just picking one. It has an invigorating effect that you wouldn’t expect. Deciding gets the ball rolling on adapting and putting your plan in place. It’s the best feeling in the world, especially if you are accustomed to being stuck. 

So get clear on what you want and take the jump. You’ll be glad you did.