Grown-up mean girls. 3 lessons on handling their wrath
Women can be so brutal. I can say that without shame, because I am a woman. I can also speak on the topic of mean girls, because I raised 4 daughters, and I have experienced first hand the heartbreak of listening to them share how they were excluded, berated, or humiliated by a mean girl. As a mom, I began to question my own mental health at times when I would ask myself, “how much trouble would I get into if I (insert crazy idea of how to scare a mean girl into changing her ways)?” It’s surprising what level of maternal protective crazy ignites in you when one of your little cubs is bothered. Thankfully, I chose to go with the hug and maternal support route.
All my girls are grown and well adjusted, thank goodness, and I am happy that I don’t have to deal with that anymore.
Not so fast. It turns out, mean girls don’t just turn into dust. They turn into mean women. I don’t like that version much either. I personally have never been a mean girl, and for some reason, when I was in junior high, it didn’t seem like it was much of a thing. But they are out there, and you need to be prepared to handle them.
Mean women say mean women things because of who they are, not because of who you are. There are things they never dealt with, and they probably need to, but it’s not your problem. You just need to remember a few things.
Don’t take it personally
One of the best books of all time in my opinion is The Four Agreements, and I believe the most valuable agreement is Don’t Take It Personally. It’s also the hardest one. How do we not take personal jabs personally? There is no secret sauce here, but I will tell you what works for me. Become self-centered for a minute, focus on who you are, what you want to do/be today, and channel your inner Dancing Queen. Sounds easy enough. It’s not. But it does get easier with practice. Their need to spew poison does not constitute a definition of you.
Being genuine is the name of the game
Mean women are generally mean because of their own insecurity around someone else’s happiness, lifestyle, or success. Genuine people are happy for others’ accomplishments and want to be their cheerleader when everything goes right. They also realize that abundance and joy are within reach for everyone, and having it doesn’t mean you took it from someone else. Be genuine, surround yourself with others who are genuine, and nothing will get you down.
Just because someone says a thing, it doesn’t make it true
This took decades for me to learn, but in the case of dealing with mean women who always seem to have a lot to say, it’s gold. Who knows what goes on in their pea-sized brain before they spout out an insult, a dig, or a hurtful comment. All I know is that hurtful things are said, sometimes even repeated, but that doesn’t make it true, so just let it roll off of your back.
I feel bad for the grown-up bullies. It seems like it would take up a lot of their time being consumed with how to diminish others. Hopefully, in time, they will see the error of their ways, but in the meantime, just live your life, be yourself, and know that it’s not about you. You’ll be a lot happier for it.
🎉 P.S. More musings on The Badass Midlife Podcast 🎧
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