Are you a hammer looking for a nail?
I don’t start arguments.
In fact, I barely have the stomach for a heated debate. It’s just not me.
Which explains why I find the person who has a real hankering for hot, verbal entanglements so off-putting.
Let’s refer to them as hammers.
The worst part about this tool is that they are under some delusion that they’re just talking and that if anyone is offended or annoyed by their taunts it’s their problem. They’re just being honest.
Okay, hammer. It’s the nail's fault.
This is a public service memo on behalf of all the other nails out there to the hammers of the world in the hopes they will have an epiphany and ease up on their fiery, often uncalled-for attack-dog rhetoric.
Not sure if you’re a hammer? Here’s how you know.
You’re circling like a buzzard waiting to dive in
If you dip in and out of conversations waiting for an “in” so you can start scooting your soapbox over as you clear your throat…you’re a hammer.
Joining in on conversations is not a bad thing, in fact, I’m a huge fan of the more the merrier when it comes to lively dialogue.
But there’s a wrong way to do it.
Coming in hot with a rock-solid point of view and no chance of listening to anyone else is not only the wrong approach but no one signed up for the verbal thrashing you so fondly deliver.
A better approach is to ease in, listen, add your opinion, and then stay open.
Stay OPEN.
You refuse to listen to another point of view
Another point of view? Reasons that support another opinion?
You have no time for that.
If that sounds like your sentiment…you’re a hammer.
It’s clear there is no amount of valid point-making from anyone else that’s gonna penetrate that well-cured veneer.
After all, you get your news and information from trusted sources, and you know what’s really going on. You don’t need any real-life gobbledygook.
Eye roll….
The reality is that everyone has a personal, unique experience with life and how things impact them which will undoubtedly form opinions around issues.
You’re too quick to shoo away words as they drift toward you like the intolerant person you are, diminishing their value and relevance.
You can have an opinion, hammer. But what you can’t do is decide how something impacts anyone else’s life and opinion. That’s their business. It’s personal to them.
Back off.
I say that with love.
You don’t stop when it’s time
When you’re in your element, in the hot zone of dishing out of your opinion, try to identify when “you’re there.”
There’s a point that you should stop reiterating, repeating, and indignantly attacking and let things evolve into some shared dialogue.
If you’re unable to take your foot off the gas…you could be a hammer
In other words, let someone else chime in, and, I know this might be hard, but try to ask questions on other opinions.
You might learn something.
You get louder because that means you’re right
The idea that a conversation has to turn up in volume at any point really irks me. You either make sense or you don’t, but getting louder certainly shouldn’t be the determinant of that.
Surely you’ve heard a quote or two about the power of being quiet or the idea that the most profound thought leaders are those who speak the least.
Well, let that sink in, because there’s a lot of truth to that.
If you can’t wrap your head around the notion of the power of being quiet…you’re probably a hammer.
You likely have the need to be the center of attention, but consider the idea that generally, people are drawn to and are moved by those who are intent listeners, economical with their words when they do speak, and ask a lot of good questions.
Not much is said about screaming like a banshee getting you a seat at the cool table.
Nope.
Let that sink in, too.
In closing, let me add that the world needs hammers, make no mistake about it. They can be real change-makers and inspire others to chase after what they want.
They’re not all bad.
But when it comes to communicating well or making strides in building strong relationships, you’re better off not following their lead.