3 things you think are good for you that can backfire
Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Yep. I said that.
Self-care, setting boundaries, and getting right with yourself and your goals, are all good things, but the real key to being happy isn’t about discovering several shiny new life-uplevelers and diving into all of them at once.
It’s about balance.
Yet most of us seem incapable to keep our lives and activities on an even keel.
Like so many things in life, we think more is better so we go headfirst into our resolutions until the positive things are not only no fun anymore, but they eventually become another job for us to do.
Consuming yourself every day with becoming masterful at all the wonderful life-enhancing things, might make you actually start to hate your life.
It can just be too much.
Give yourself a little break. If you’re bent on doing a hard reset on your habits and mindset, it’s best to start by wrapping your mind around the concept of taking it slow.
Three common pitfalls when seeking to upgrade your life often come into play, and it’s good to be aware of what they are so you’re not falling into any traps.
You’re looking back for answers
I recently had a heart-to-heart with a friend who was going through a slight depression. Her angst stemmed from an overwhelming feeling of, this is just how it’s gonna be. It’s how it’s always been. She seemed hopelessly stuck in the habit of her life being sub-par. After all, it had always been that way, why would things change now?
Of course, you’re smart to use past experiences as context for your current situation, but you don’t need to act as if those things are your set-in-stone-destiny.
Looking back and dissecting all the valid and even not-so-valid reasons that have led you to this exact moment may not be the best use of your time. While it’s great to get an understanding, you don’t need to spend a lot of time validating every nuance of the journey once you do.
It’s all there.
It happened.
Now you have a good, or at least better, idea why.
And?
How long is long enough to sit there and be mired in the past? One day? One week? 5 years?
Take as long as you need, but consider this. The sooner you admit, own, apologize, and then be satisfied enough to step away from it, the sooner you’ll be on track to start making decisions about what you want now.
As Gary John Bishop contends in his book, Stop Doing That Shit-End self-sabotage and demand your life back:
You create your experience of life and your self-talk and then act accordingly. And you’re doing it all the time. You're never acting upon life itself. What your acting on is your opinion of your life….what you call it is up to you.
You decide what’s next.
Identify and move on.
Stop looking back.
Getting away from it all
I often hear people say they “just need to get away” because the grind they deal with on a daily basis is just too much.
How bad is your actual daily life that the only way to get a reprieve is to physically remove your body from what is real?
It’s fine to want to get away and take a trip, but if you find yourself crawling out of your skin trying to find a new place, experience, or atmosphere that will soothe you, you may be putting lipstick on a pig, as they say.
After all, wherever you go….there you are.
Consider that the issue may be to come up with some resolution to the things you’re running from, and then set some new goals for yourself.
Having something new and exciting to focus your energy on is much more life-giving than trying to busy yourself with obscure ways to find peace and happiness by burying what gives you angst.
When you’re feeling like you need to “get away from it all”, be honest about what you’re doing and ask yourself, “am I running away from something I’m just too weary to work through, or am I giving myself a healthy dose of fun and self-care?”
One answer needs some self-reflection and work, the other is gloriously healthy.
Overdoing the doing
The image of being on a hamster wheel in life has always had a viscerally negative impact on me. There’s nothing I hate more than feeling like what I’m doing is of no real value other than making me tired.
Going nowhere. Fast.
When you challenge yourself to add things into your life to inspire new thoughts, creativity, or self-care, take it slow.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your self-improvement activities need a little bit of time to grow between each of the new seeds you’re planting.
You’ll be on the express lane to burnout if you make a list of five new positive changes you want to make and start them all at once.
Not only will you not be able to evaluate the benefit each one has for you, but you aren’t setting yourself up for being able to enjoy them to their fullest either.
Take your time and allow yourself to soak in the good vibes of each change you make.
Let’s do a quick recap
Don’t live in your past hangups. If you have a story that dictates or lies in the background of everything you do, that is a sure sign that you’re stuck in what used to be. Do what you need to do to answer your questions, make amends, apologize and move on.
Taking little trips for a deserved mental and physical reprieve is a great thing. Just evaluate if you’re running away from an unresolved issue or actually looking for a little rest and relaxation.
Make changes, but make them one at a time. Give yourself time to identify if what you’re doing is actually something you like and can sustain. Give each thing time to take root and grow before you pile more things on.
Oh. And by the way, friends and family are great resources, especially when you’re trying to push yourself into some new territory.
Don’t shut people out.