How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re A Resilient Badass
Even when you’re feeling like a hothouse flower
I’ve been known to come unglued, get unhinged, and occasionally go right off the deep end. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve learned something each time it happens.
I’ve even mastered a few tricks that started out as fake it till you make it, and then gradually, they became the real deal.
A resilient badass is born.
Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. And while it involves the ability to bounce back from difficult situations, it can also include profound personal growth.
There are a few things you can do when you encounter adversity to build your resilience muscle and a few common traits among those that seem to have it all figured out.
Flexible Thinkers
Resilient people are self-aware enough to know when the adversity or challenge they are facing is causing them to be unreasonable or counterproductive. They accept things as they are and focus on what they can control.
Facing challenges is an expectation of resilient people. They know they will have them at various points of their life and they are equipped to adjust and adapt.
Optimistic
Being positive and prepared with a plan B is a common trait of the resilient. They fully expect to encounter challenges or roadblocks in all aspects of life, and having a fallback plan in the wings is a good way to lessen the impact of unexpected difficulty.
Finding the positive in most situations is another characteristic. They believe in their strength and ability to handle most situations and reject the victim mentality for an empowered position.
Laughter
It’s a blessing to have the ability to find humor or lightness in dark times. Even in the worst moments, the perfect lighthearted sentiment can soothe the pain of a charged and emotional situation. It shifts everyone's perspective and changes how you’ll react to stress.
Having a good sense of humor helps the resilient person have a better response to stressors in their life. By finding lightness in dark times, they add an important coping mechanism to their toolbox.
Rewrite The Story
Looking on the bright side may seem cliche, but focusing on identifying the upside of an experience challenges you to find the positive outcomes that could be gained from the event. While it seems like there are some situations that couldn’t possibly have an upside, there is always something that can be found. The practice of Finding Silver Linings highlights this. It invites calling to mind something upsetting and trying to list three positive things about it.
The skill of seeing the silver lining is something resilient people possess and it helps ease the blow of adversity and balance the emotions of the moment. They firmly believe there is a positive in every situation.
Face The Fear
If you are anxious about something you need to do or lack the confidence to get back in the ring, expose yourself to what you’re fearing in small doses. Take your time and do it in smaller doses. Over time you can gradually increase the frequency. Whatever it is that you fear the most, face it head-on and challenge yourself to go again.
Resilient people don’t run away from things that have challenged them or that they have failed at in the past. They go right back in for more, knowing that becoming familiar will raise their comfort level and confidence so they become stronger in that area.
Be Kind To Yourself
Give yourself a break and have self-compassion. Confront your personal suffering with warmth and kindness. You’re working through something. There are no rules or expectations for how quickly you need to get past it. Everyone is different, and you will find what works best for you.
Having a practice of prayer or meditation, journaling your feelings, self-care, or talking to someone, will all help you become more resilient.
Those people who weather storms are also good at forgiving themselves when things go off the rails. If they are able to lessen the negative emotional impact of a situation and be kind to themselves, so they can heal and move on more quickly.
Let Things Go-Forgive
When you stay stuck in your resentment and ill will, you are not working through emotions. If you make a commitment to let things go and forgive, you will be doing something that is good for you. It doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone off the hook or reconciling with them. You do this for your own benefit. You may also be surprised at how forgiveness empowers you and may even provide an unexpected growth opportunity.
A resilient person isn’t harboring the baggage of anything that has happened to them in the past or holding a grudge. That would keep them stuck in negativity, and in an unsettled state. That isn’t acceptable and it blocks action.
Look Into The Future Beyond
Looking beyond where you are now and having a mindset of “this too shall pass” can help you better handle stressful events. Being able to think into the future to a time where you'll no longer be feeling so bad helps you work through difficult situations.
The belief that there is always light at the end of the tunnel is a cornerstone for the resilient person. They understand it’s just a matter of time before things smooth out and get back to normal, so they’re better equipped to ride out the storm.
Becoming a more resilient person requires you to draw on the strength of work that you’ve done in the past. Just like physical strength grows from challenging the muscles, stresses build your emotional growth and resilience.
Facing mental challenges and difficulties enhance your memory with new knowledge, making things easier for you next time.
Here are some final notes on resilience that get right to the point.
Failure is a requirement of resilience.
Being resilient means you face stressors, learn from mistakes-not avoid them.
Getting perspective is key. Ask, “what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
Pushing yourself will show you what you’re capable of. You may be surprised.
Give yourself credit for the adversities and challenges you’ve already faced and overcome.
Take action rather than being paralyzed by a negative situation. You’re not a victim.
Being resilient is a life-enriching trait because it reduces the negative emotions in your life, and can keep you in the driver's seat, where you belong. It may not always seem that you’re doing a great job, but you’re likely doing better than you think.
You’ve survived some challenges and made it through, so give yourself credit for that and keep moving ahead.
Acting like a resilient badass looks exactly like actually being one, so keep practicing and doing, even when you’re doubting how you feel.
Before you know it, you’ll be bulletproof.
🎉 P.S. More musings on 🎧🔥The Badass Midlife Podcast🔥🎧
Juicy midlife topics… with a twist.