Why becoming more curious will change your life forever

“Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.” — Steve Jobs

Asking questions is simple yet so underrated. When you consciously make an effort to become more curious, it will improve your life in many ways, including your communication skills and your relationships.

Here’s how curiosity has changed my life.

Social Ease

Once I began to embrace being curious in social settings, it immediately relaxed me. Who knew this one sneaky little trick could ease my anxiety and completely shift my mindset about the social scene I used to dread with every fiber of my being. Asking questions relaxed me.

Asking questions is disarming, it helps others relax, and takes the pressure off of you when you’re feeling antsy.

It’s simple to start.

Here is a sample scene to illustrate from attending a leadership workshop in Chicago. I’m sitting at a table with a stranger.

Me: Hi there, I’m Mary. This is a great place! Is this your first time at one of these workshops?

Stranger: Hi, Mary, I’m Maggie. No, I came three years ago, Simon Sinek was the keynote speaker.

Me: No kidding, I bet that was amazing. Our leadership team all had tickets to see him at the Arboretum but then unfortunately it was canceled because of the pandemic.

Me: Are you from Chicago?

Stranger: No, we’re from downstate Illinois, but I love to visit the city any chance I get. I brought my daughter with me and we’re planning to see some sights tomorrow.

Me: What a great way to make the most of a business trip! Have you ever done the Architectural Tour on the lake? It’s my favorite touristy activity.

Stranger: No. That’s always been on my list though, I think we will.

Me: If you don’t have specific plans for lunch tomorrow, and you’d like to check out the Mag Mile area, my company owns a fun restaurant right there. Here’s my card, text me if she’d like that, and I’ll set it up for you, our treat!

Stranger: That sounds great, I’ll do that-Thanks Mary!

I was a little nervous getting started, but then it started to roll. I learned a lot about Maggie, and we both chatted the rest of the day. It broke the ice, relaxed us both, and made the entire day more fun.

Using questions to start a conversation is a simple trick that can help get a conversation flowing. Using a question to start a conversation can also give you time and space to ease your nerves and feel more comfortable in the social setting because it gives you time to relax and listen, rather than feeling anxious in worrying about being able to have something to say.

Opened My Mind

It amazes me how genuine curiosity about people or ideas has truly opened my mind. I enjoy pulling the first thread and then waiting eagerly for information to spill out, leading to more and more questions.

It’s gratifying, inspiring, and really illuminating to learn about people and new ideas and has taught me things I would never have known had I just sat on the sidelines.

“Learning is by nature, curiosity.” — Plato

Improved Relationships

Whether it’s a friend, family member, or coworker, showing interest by asking questions to gain a better understanding can strengthen any type of relationship. I have found that it also has kept me from going off in a negative thought pattern by creating a false story.

If I go right in with a question as soon as I have one, everything can be cleared up without any misunderstanding. Overall, this can build trust and improve communication in the relationship.

Research from a team of Harvard psychological scientists suggests that asking more questions — and in particular, asking more follow-up questions — increases people’s positive impressions.

It’s not the answer that enlightens, but the question. — Eugene Ionesco

Builds Familiarity Faster

Observing and listening are great and can be very informative. I’m a big fan of those as an introvert. But when you meet someone new, there’s nothing better than asking questions and allowing your curiosity to flow. You get so much more, so much faster, and it builds a comfort level that makes the conversation move along easier too. It’s a great way to make new friends.

These could be simple, but deep questions like:

• What do you like to do when you have a couple of free hours?

• What’s something unexpected about you?

People who asked lots of questions were rated as more likable than were those who asked fewer questions. The researchers speculated that this was because the respondents interpreted question-asking as responsiveness. In the end, we all like talking about ourselves, and conversation partners who ask lots of questions fulfill our need to self-disclose.

Learning, of course

There’s no better way to learn new things than to listen and then ask questions exactly how they strike you. Don’t hold back, there’s no such thing as a bad question.

Disclaimer: you don’t want to get overly personal or cross the etiquette line. But barring anything rude or inappropriate, questions are overall, good things.

It took me a while to believe that, but once I did, it was so liberating.

I no longer fear being the inquisitive one in a meeting, a talk, a class, or training. I just fire them off without reservation and it feels great to get clear and get answers. It’s so much more effective than listening, being unclear, then going back and trying to figure out the answer another way.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. — Albert Einstein

Becoming a curious questioner has changed my life in many ways. Not only has it put me much more at ease in social settings, (that alone has been life-changing), but it’s opened my mind and heart to new ideas and making new friends.

The impact it’s had on my interactions at work has changed the dynamic with my coworkers in profound ways, and improved my work life. Where I used to keep to myself and silently wonder about a comment in a meeting, I now feel free and confident to get the clarity I need.

Boom. Handled in the moment and it feels so empowering.

I highly recommend embracing your inner inquisitor. You’ll be glad you did.

Any questions?

🎉 P.S. More musings on 🎧🔥The Badass Midlife Podcast🔥🎧

Juicy midlife topics…with a twist.