Are you living the life you want?

I got there, but I remembered none of the drive.

Where was I during all the stops, traffic lights, and lane switching of this little commute of mine? No idea, but I got home safe, so it's all good.

It’s like being on autopilot, and it’s actually not all good, but it’s not all bad either.

Considering the average adult makes around 35,000 decisions a day, we need to have a way to make many of those unconsciously, called unconscious cognition, so we don’t overload our minds.

But this type of automated thinking can become a problem if it creeps into other areas of our lives when we actually should be more present and in the moment, enjoying what’s happening.

What Do You Do On Autopilot?

Some of the more common activities you do without conscious thought are things like showering, getting dressed, driving to work, or even answering emails.

But if this seeps into life during times when you should be more engaged, it can feel like you’re not living your life, but that it’s living you.

According to research, some ninety-six percent of people in the UK admit to making most daily decisions on autopilot.

That research concluded that our minds are wandering most of the time.

That’s a little unsettling and can have a negative impact on life and relationships.

76% of people in the study report not spending their time well, with one in five admitting to not properly listening to others when in autopilot mode. Nearly half said they had forgotten something whilst on autopilot including birthdays, paying an important bill, and even picking the children up from school.

Five Signs You Are Living on Autopilot

Repetition

Quite simply, you do the same thing daily and follow a regimented plan without much thought or room for spontaneity or change.

Conditioned to please others

When you’re in this mode, your priority is meeting the expectation of others without much regard for what you need.

Too busy

You have so much going on that you don’t have an opportunity to slow down and check in on your feelings or what you want.

Days fly by

Before you know it, it’s the end of the day and you aren't sure exactly what you did. You may even feel like you didn’t accomplish much.

You’re feeling left out

You start feeling like you could have more joy, but there’s not a clear way to get there. No light is apparent at the end of the tunnel.

Why Would This Happen?

Becoming disconnected and feeling like you’re not in the driver’s seat can be a defeating and draining way of life.

It’s not hard to see how it happens, given our current societal norms.

Too distracted

The world, your work, friends, and family have full access to you and your attention at all times. Even if you’re trying to unplug, it doesn’t always seem to be possible. The possibility of continuous interruption has a direct impact on the ability to just “be”.

Risk-averse

If you seek peace and harmony whenever you can get it, it can lead you to be unwilling to take risks and try new things. Over time, this can lead you to go to your default behaviors and habits, and live on autopilot.

Productivity mindset

Pressure to produce, complete, and achieve keeps your mind on the project and never in the moment. When you’re in pursuit of accomplishing more and more, you’re just pushing yourself to work harder. This can lead to repeating habits of overwork and overwhelm, leaving you little time for adding in new things.

Pursuit of perfection

When you are bombarded with perfect images of perfect lives on social media, it can leave you feeling like you’re just missing the mark. All you need to do is work a little bit harder.

This negative thinking and self-talk can take you completely out of a mindset of creativity and relaxation and land you squarely into perpetual go-mode.

What Can You Do?

Dr. Mark Williamson, the director, and co-founder of Action for Happiness explains the goal should be to become more aware of the impact autopilot has on our own lives. This will be different for everyone. Once we can do that we are better equipped to make changes.

“The simple step of encouraging people to notice their autopilot behaviours is crucial — because then you’ve begun the journey towards changing your habits and making more conscious choices. ” — Dr Mark Williamson

He highlights three core archetypes of autopilot behaviors to help outline the point.

The Pleasers: Pleasers find it so hard to say anything other than yes that obligations pile up and the internal voice pleading them to say “no” gets drowned out. By trying to please everyone they end up resentful of their to-do list and not focus on what matters.

The fix: It’s normal to want to make others happy, but not at the expense of your happiness. The best remedy for a pleaser is to learn how to say no to others with love and also show that you care deeply. This will take practice if you’ve been a long-time pleaser, but if you deliver the message sincerely, it will be accepted.

The Pacers: On a mission to always find “what’s next” the Pacers are so caught up in the pace of modern life that they pack as much as possible into their days — relentlessly busy “doing” rather than “being”.

The fix: Productivity is important to you. But in order to keep yourself from slipping into autopilot, try to put the things that are important to you on your calendar first, and start with the top thing on the list. This will be more gratifying than living your life reacting to others' needs first every day.

The Passengers: The Passengers are overwhelmed with choice and information, like a rabbit caught in the headlights they sometimes struggle through life allowing the world around them to dictate their choices and following the crowd too often.

The fix: Work to break out of your normal habits to spark some new interests and passions. Simply trying one new thing each week, like different or new food, taking a scenic route to work, or visiting a new place, can open your mind to new things and stir up some new interests.

How to Reconnect and Live the Life You Want

Breaking out of reverting to that inner guide has to be done with intention. But once you make these new habits a practice, they’ll become a way of life and you’ll never feel as though someone else is at the wheel again.

Don't get comfortable

When you feel yourself slipping into the mundane, be aware and call yourself out. Write in a journal to increase your awareness of your behavior and challenge yourself.

Bring new experiences to your life and stretch beyond your comfort zone. Discomfort can be the perfect doorway to discovery. Do things a little bit differently, or consider doing those “special treat” items more often.

Choose a meaningful goal

By having a direction and clear destination, your actions can then guide and inspire you to get there. When you know where you’re going it’s easier to avoid shortcuts and but also clarify when you’re off track and getting stuck in a repetitive pattern.

Pause and reflect

When you take a pause, you’re creating space to think. You can take a moment to reflect on what you’re doing and if it’s actually what you want to be doing, or just an automatic behavior.

Ask yourself “Am I enjoying this right now? Do I want to be doing this?”

A short breather with a couple of questions might be all you need to keep yourself from going into autopilot mode.

Living life on autopilot is like sleep-walking through your life. The days pass and many times you have little, if any, recollection of anything enriching.

Pay attention to your day and what you’re doing, but also who you’re being while you’re doing it.

It’s time to make your life happen, not let it happen.

🎉 P.S. More musings on 🎧🔥The Badass Midlife Podcast🔥🎧